Small Talk, Big Stress: Navigating Social Interactions with Social Anxiety or Autism

Sep 22

Author: Mokshvi Shah, BS Northeastern University Student

Published: September 2025

For many people, small talk is just a routine social nicety, a quick chat about the weather, your weekend, or how busy things are. But for individuals with social anxiety or autism, small talk can feel overwhelming, disorienting, and even painful. It’s not about disliking people or being antisocial, it’s about the stress of navigating a form of communication that often feels forced, vague, or unstructured.

Small talk relies heavily on social intuition, body language, tone, and subtle cues that can be difficult for neurodivergent individuals to read or respond to. For those with social anxiety, the fear of saying the wrong thing or being judged adds a layer of pressure that makes even brief conversations feel like performance tests. Add in sensory overload, uncertainty about turn-taking, or unclear social scripts, and the stress compounds.

Autistic people may also struggle with the unpredictability of small talk. Many prefer deep, meaningful conversations or topic-centered discussions over the seemingly shallow or repetitive nature of small talk. When asked “How are you?” they may hesitate, not because they don’t want to answer, but because the question feels too broad or socially loaded.

Forcing oneself to engage in small talk to fit in can lead to what many describe as social exhaustion or masking fatigue. Constantly monitoring your tone, rehearsing responses in your head, or second-guessing every word can drain your energy and erode your confidence. Over time, this can lead to withdrawal, isolation, or avoidance of social situations altogether, not because connection isn’t desired, but because the toll feels too high.

Tips for Navigating Small Talk More Comfortably

Prepare a few go-to topics: Think of a few neutral subjects you’re comfortable talking about, weather, media, local events, that you can return to in casual chats.
Redirect to deeper topics: If small talk feels boring or unengaging, gently steer the conversation toward something more meaningful: “That reminds me, have you ever thought about…?”
Use boundaries: It’s okay to excuse yourself from conversations that feel overstimulating or draining. Practicing a few polite exits like “I need to step outside for a minute” can help.
Practice in safe environments: Roleplay with a therapist, friend, or support group where mistakes are welcome and learning is the goal.
Know you’re not alone: It’s easy to assume everyone else finds small talk effortless, but many people feel just as awkward inside.

We often overvalue extroverted social norms, like being chatty, quick-witted, or endlessly agreeable, without appreciating the ways quieter, more intentional communication can also be meaningful. People who find small talk difficult often bring thoughtfulness, depth, and authenticity to their conversations once they’re in a space that feels safe.

Whether you’re autistic, socially anxious, or just someone who struggles with small talk, you’re not broken. Your discomfort is valid, and it deserves compassion, not shame. You don’t need to change who you are to connect with others; you just need space, understanding, and tools that honor your needs.