The Double Empathy Problem: Why Autistic People Aren’t Lacking Empathy
Author: Mokshvi Shah, BS Northeastern University Student
Published: July 2025
One of the most persistent myths about autism is that autistic individuals lack empathy. This assumption not only misrepresents autistic experience but also contributes to stigma and misunderstanding. The truth is far more nuanced and hopeful. The concept of the "double empathy problem," developed by autistic scholar Damian Milton, challenges this narrative by suggesting that difficulties in connection often arise not from a lack of empathy in autistic individuals, but from mutual misunderstandings between neurotypes.
What Is the Double Empathy Problem?
Traditional views suggest that autistic people struggle to understand the thoughts and feelings of others. However, research and lived experience show that this is only part of the picture. The double empathy problem proposes that communication breakdowns occur because people from different neurotypes (autistic and non-autistic) have difficulty relating to each other's experiences, not because one side lacks empathy.
In other words, just as non-autistic people may struggle to understand autistic behavior or emotional expression, autistic individuals may find non-autistic norms confusing or inconsistent. This mutual misunderstanding creates a gap, not because of a deficit in empathy, but because of differences in communication styles, social expectations, and ways of processing the world.
Empathy isn't a one-size-fits-all skill. It includes emotional empathy (feeling what someone else feels), cognitive empathy (understanding another's perspective), and compassionate empathy (acting in response to someone’s emotional state). Many autistic individuals experience deep emotional empathy but may express or interpret it in nontraditional ways.
For example, an autistic person may feel overwhelmed by another’s pain and withdraw, not out of apathy, but due to emotional overload. Alternatively, they may express concern through actions rather than facial expressions or verbal affirmations. These responses are often misread by non-autistic people, reinforcing the false idea that autistic people lack empathy.
The Role of Neurotypical Bias
Our social systems are often built around neurotypical norms, eye contact, small talk, certain expressions of emotion. When someone communicates differently, it can be wrongly assumed that they’re cold, disinterested, or unfeeling. But what if the issue isn’t a lack of empathy, but a mismatch in how empathy is conveyed and received?
The double empathy problem highlights this disconnect. It reframes social difficulties as a two-way street rather than a one-sided impairment. This perspective not only empowers autistic individuals but also encourages neurotypical people to reflect on their own biases and communication habits.
True inclusion involves more than accepting differences, it involves learning from them. Both autistic and non-autistic people can bridge the empathy gap by:
Practicing active listening without assumptions
Being open to alternative forms of expression
Asking curious, respectful questions
Letting go of rigid expectations for how empathy "should" look
Reframing autism and empathy through the lens of the double empathy problem can reduce stigma, improve communication, and deepen relationships. It acknowledges the richness of autistic emotional life and highlights the importance of mutual effort in connection.
In a culture that too often labels difference as deficiency, the double empathy problem offers a compassionate, research-backed alternative: one that honors the full humanity of autistic people and calls all of us to meet each other with curiosity, humility, and care.
