The Hidden Compulsions: Reassurance-Seeking, Mental Undoing, and Avoidance
Author: Mokshvi Shah, BS Northeastern University Student
Published: August 2025
When we think of compulsions, we often imagine overt rituals like hand-washing, checking locks, or repeating phrases. But many compulsions, especially those tied to anxiety, OCD, and trauma, are far more subtle and internal. These hidden compulsions can fly under the radar, even in therapy, yet they play a powerful role in keeping anxiety and obsessive thoughts alive.
Hidden or mental compulsions are internal behaviors done to alleviate distress, prevent imagined harm, or “undo” a thought. Common examples include:
Reassurance-seeking: Frequently asking others if something is okay or if you made a mistake
Mental undoing: Silently repeating phrases, prayers, or mantras to neutralize intrusive thoughts
Avoidance: Steering clear of people, places, or situations that could trigger anxiety or guilt
While they may not look like traditional compulsions, these behaviors serve the same function: reducing discomfort in the short term. Unfortunately, they also reinforce the cycle of anxiety by teaching the brain that the discomfort is dangerous.
The Trap of Reassurance-Seeking
At first glance, reassurance-seeking seems harmless, even logical. Who hasn’t texted a friend to double-check if they were mad or asked a partner if they said something wrong? But when done compulsively, reassurance-seeking can erode self-trust and become addictive.
Every time we outsource emotional regulation to someone else, we weaken our ability to tolerate uncertainty. Over time, we rely more on others’ responses and less on our internal sense of safety. This can deepen anxiety and even strain relationships.
Mental Rituals: The Compulsions No One Sees
Mental undoing can be particularly sneaky. Because these rituals happen in your head, they’re often mistaken for healthy coping or positive thinking. In reality, they function like any other compulsion, offering temporary relief but keeping intrusive thoughts in the loop.
Examples include:
Repeating a phrase to “cancel” a bad thought
Mentally reviewing past actions for reassurance
Creating “rules” in your mind that you must follow to prevent harm
These rituals are exhausting and often increase the frequency and intensity of unwanted thoughts.
Avoidance as a Coping Mechanism
Avoidance can feel productive, like you're protecting yourself. But it rarely offers long-term relief. Instead, it shrinks your world and teaches your nervous system that certain experiences are inherently dangerous.
This is especially true in OCD and PTSD, where the brain is hyper-attuned to risk. Avoidance might start as skipping a triggering conversation, but over time it can grow into avoiding entire relationships, activities, or places.
Breaking the Cycle
Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP), a gold-standard treatment for OCD, directly targets hidden compulsions. The idea is to gently expose yourself to the trigger without performing the compulsion, giving your brain a chance to learn that the feared outcome doesn’t happen, or that it’s survivable.
For example:
Feeling the urge to ask for reassurance but sitting with the discomfort instead
Not mentally reviewing a situation after an intrusive thought
Choosing to engage in a feared situation and noticing what emotions arise
In therapy, identifying and labeling these hidden patterns is a key step toward healing. Sometimes just noticing the impulse to seek reassurance or review a situation can open the door to change.
Rather than judge yourself for these patterns, try viewing them as protective. These behaviors developed because you needed them, they kept you safe in some way. Healing involves gently loosening their grip with curiosity, patience, and support.
Hidden compulsions are often the last to be acknowledged but the most transformative to address. If you're struggling with mental rituals, reassurance-seeking, or avoidance, know that you're not alone, and that you're not "doing it wrong." You're navigating a very human response to fear. With awareness, support, and evidence-based strategies, you can build a life that's led by values rather than anxiety.
