The Psychology of “I’m Fine”: Emotional Suppression as a Coping Skill

Sep 14

Author: Mokshvi Shah, BS Northeastern University Student

Published: September 2025

How often do you say "I’m fine" when you’re anything but? It’s a common phrase, often said automatically, used to deflect concern, avoid vulnerability, or push through emotional exhaustion. While it might seem harmless, consistently suppressing your emotions can have a real psychological toll, especially when it becomes your default mode of coping.

Emotional suppression is often learned. Maybe you grew up in a family or culture where emotions were viewed as a sign of weakness. Maybe you were praised for being the "strong one" or told not to cry. Or perhaps you’ve experienced trauma or chronic invalidation that taught you to disconnect from what you feel in order to survive.

“I’m fine” becomes a way to manage vulnerability, control perception, and stay functional. For many high-achievers, caregivers, and people who’ve experienced relational trauma, it’s safer to seem okay than to risk being misunderstood, or worse, dismissed.

While it might help in the short-term, long-term emotional suppression can lead to:

Emotional numbness: It becomes hard to feel anything, even joy or excitement.
Increased anxiety or irritability: Pushing down emotions doesn’t make them disappear; they often resurface in physical symptoms or emotional reactivity.
Chronic stress and burnout: Suppressing distress without processing it can take a toll on your nervous system.
Disconnection from self and others: You may struggle to identify your needs or to form authentic connections.

What Lies Beneath “I’m Fine”

“I’m fine” can mask a range of complex emotions: sadness, fear, shame, resentment, grief. Therapy often reveals how much is packed into those two words. Clients may discover that their "fine" is actually a state of hyper-independence, emotional avoidance, or internalized shame about needing help.

There’s often a grief process involved in realizing how long you’ve been carrying things silently. But there’s also relief in beginning to name and release those emotions.

From Suppression to Expression

Learning to express emotions doesn’t mean falling apart or oversharing. It means becoming fluent in your emotional world and giving yourself permission to feel. Here are some ways to start:

Build emotional vocabulary: Expand your language beyond “fine” or “stressed.” Try: overwhelmed, uneasy, disappointed, lonely, frustrated.
Use reflective journaling: Try prompts like “What am I afraid to admit I feel?” or “What would I say if I didn’t need to seem okay?”
Practice with safe people: Choose relationships where you feel safe being honest. Vulnerability is a skill you build over time.
Work with a therapist: Therapy provides a non-judgmental space to explore suppressed emotions at your own pace.

Saying “I’m fine” isn’t inherently bad. But if it’s your only response, it may be time to get curious about what you’re not saying. You don’t have to go from silence to shouting your truth overnight. Small, honest acknowledgments, "I’m tired today,” “I’m feeling off,” “I’m holding a lot,” can open the door to more genuine connection and self-awareness. Therapy can support this shift. Together, we can explore what’s behind your "I’m fine," and build a new way of relating to your emotions, one grounded in compassion, not performance.